Sunday, 6 July 2014

I finally did something for me

I brought a wind trainer that I can attach to my bike so I can spin on wet days.
SOO today I went spinning.. my butt hurts but for the firs time in a long time I feel a hell of a lot better.

Moving forward... things are good..

I am pretty unhappy with what I see in the mirror, it scares the hell out of me. I really makes me so down on myself. I am so gutted with how far I have let this go, I only have one way to sort this out.. I need to exercise and be way more mindful about what I am eating .. I need to stop eating for no reason and letting my emotions get the better of me.
I can do this... I have done it before.. BUT I need to put me first.. I need to make exercise and what I need a bigger priority for myself.

I promise myself I am going to put myself first.

Wednesday, 2 July 2014

The reality of the situation

I have been seeing the nutrionist for 5 weeks and I haven't lost any weight ...... 
In that five weeks I have learnt to deal with stress and nail a lot of my binge eating in the head. 

But I am only just coping at the moment... My nana is in hospital, nana/mum. And it is killing me. My poor wee genadad is just coping with it all and I am left to feel usless and miles away from them. She is soo unhappy but mendically she is getting better. She is very very frail and just and no more getting better while other things are going wrong. She has lost so much weight by not eating as she has a few swill owing issues and she is losing her mental capacity which we are not to sure as to why. She is under there somewhere still my Nana... 
I am going back down there next week from Thursday night to Monday night... Adter I have been wedding dress shopping omfg... I am soo huge right now I am unsure how this will go and the effect it may have on me mentally. Let's hope I don't come out even. Ore down about my weight than I currently am. 

I am looking forward to seeing my girls in Wellington and hoping it will give me a chance to relax... Well her is hoping anyway. 
I plan to by an indoor cycle trainer this weekend so I can get moving. I am hoping that will improve my mental state and stress levels on my return from all my visiting. Since I can't get out walking ATM. 

I can do this..... I bloody well can. 

Monday, 16 June 2014

Hmmm.. thanks Dr Libby

After reading the below

1. Address overconsumption of food: If you do overeat at times even though you know you would be better off not doing so, then getting to the bottom of why you do this could change your life. Start by asking yourself what food means to you. If your answer is emotional e.g love, fun, comfort, then you need to explore your relationship with food.
2. Check your thyroid: The thyroid gland is a little butterfly shaped gland that sits in your throat area. It makes hormones that play an enormous role in your metabolic rate as well as your temperature regulation. The thyroid gland can become over-active or under-active and it is the latter scenario that can lead to weight gain that is incredibly difficult to shift until this issue is addressed.
3. Simple Swaps: Consider whether you are using caffeine to amp yourself up and wine to wind down. Simply swap caffeine for green tea and wine for sparkling water to give your nervous system a break, which can influence fat burning and appetite. 

Wow good thinking points for me! I have actually changed these things 1 and 3.. no thyroid issues for me been checked by Dr... 
BUT I needed to change my behaviors especially caffeine. I am starting to feel a lot better about things and about how the world is working for me. Even though work is full on nuts mad and I feel that 99% of the time I am chasing my tail and never get caught up on things. I am looking forward to the holidays and getting a break from the work side of life. 

Wednesday, 11 June 2014

Making good choices

I feel really balanced and I am learning to live with my choices and not beat myself up. I am learning to let things go and stop being so mentally abusive to myself.
I am working on this and tracking no matter what happens this week are my goal.

My nutritionist.. Nicola @ eatwellnz is soo lovely friendly and kind. She is not a big bad growl at you for falling off the wagon type. She is the we are trying to make your relationship with food healthy and every normal person has a bad day or things crop up in their life and they do not have  melt down over it.

My cravings are getting less, I am enjoying finding new things to eat that are different but enjoyable.
I found Avalanche drinking chocolate last night at the supermarket but it is sugar free and I like that ! Its a nice treat and no guilt.. SOO me and I like that.

Now to get my butt moving more and I will get myself back to being fit and that helps the mental game too :)

Liking feeling not ill as well.. no chest infection no tummy issues just well .. apart form a little tired.. I feel normal!!

More photos in 10 days.. 0o0o

Monday, 9 June 2014

One day .....

Yesterday was a good day.. I managed my food well no binge eating no sugar filled anything. I made chicken vegetable and noodle soup with chili and garlic. It was devine !! I had it for dinner I felt full and warm .. aha warm maybe thats the issue I need to cook warm foods for dinner instead of salad all the time.
I had the soup again for lunch today and have placed three portions in the freezer for easy dinners..

I drank over three liters of water, with pure water and herbal and green tea. I feel better in myself but on the edge of it like this is just the beginning and it needs to become a habit.

I am going to make chickpea patties for dinner and have them with a salad I might cook some pumpkin and add them to it.. maybe. I need to think about my meals across a week and shop to those options. Wayne and I do not eat the same thing hardly ever. He is Mr processed foods man and well.. its not my style! At all.!!!

He is trying to get me to eat more red meat as I think the reason I am so tired and lethargic is due to low iron levels. But red meat does not appeal to me at all!!

Water is my new goal. 3 liters a day, I want o flush out the toxins and work hard to curbing my eating with water, as that has worked for me well in past.

I am off work today I am soo tired and dealing with a mega headache. I am trying to write reports.. its bloody hard.. I have 7 to go.. I can do it.. but maybe not all today! They are due in on Friday!

The weather is not playing ball I wouldn't mind getting out there for a walk this week.. but with this rain.. it may not be a go.

Sunday, 8 June 2014

1 good day 2 bad days and I am still trying..

In my head.... all I hear is.... YOU have to do this for you... then I eat a chocolate biscuit.... GRR why... I am trying hard to DO THIS and work on why I am so drawn to food at the moment.

On the plus side.. I am trying..

Friday ended in take aways as the fiances brother turned up and thats what they had.. I had a taco salad and a medium peppermint milkshake.. ( that was the bad bit) ohh and a cider ... why because it had been on of those F*****g days and I needed to unwind a bit.. really its an excuse .. but it is what it is.

Yesterday I had toast, an apple at 12 and then I got all funny and felt sooo ill about 3pm I felt fain and sick and realised I hadn't eaten all day because I was busy cleaning and weeding and stuff. We went to bunnings, love that shop, and then went to the supermarket where I brought a hole lot of fruit and had a fruit salad for afternoon tea.

Then the boys turned up for the rugby, chips pizza garlic bread and rashun chocolate biscuits and beer.. I had no beer, only two biscuits, ( btw it was all cooked here but pre-packaged) and a small peice of pizza 6 chicken nuggets and 2 peices of garlic bread. I did have a few handfuls of chips as well.. STILL where are the veges! common Vic honestly.. I know better but I am over salad.

Today has been better.. I had breakfast and have sat down to write reports.. 9 done so far 15 to go.. kind of need to get them done they are due on Friday.

I am still full of some horrible bug. Its pissing me off I want to go for a walk.. DUMB.. and I want my bike back its at the inlaws. I am going to make Wayne go and get them I think one day this week.
Get on my bike 1 day in the weekend and walk 2-3 days a week till I get my weight down because I can not run at this weight it hurts my knees and hip..

Friday, 6 June 2014

The hard road out of hell...

I at times feel so trapped by how "big" I have become. I get angry and frustrated at myself for allowing myself to get to this state..

The last week I have comfort eaten like a crazy lady and I struggled to get back out of that. Being sick and coming to terms with the fact my grandparents may not be here much longer I have found very hard to accept.. My Nana is like my mum and I love her dearly.

My Nutrionist is helping me deal with my emotional response to binge eat and I feel like a am making baby steps, but they are baby.. I have also noticed I have no will power at times.. see food and eat it.. I honestly can not stop myself so I am working on this.

There is no real weight loss as there was weight gain BUT I am working on me.. That is what in the long run should stop a relapse back to this level of over weight-ness.

I need to find peace with myself and stop mentally abusing myself as it is not helping.

On the plus side work is super busy and it keeps me occupied in the evenings as I have reports and so many other things to do so thats good. Work is stressful but thats ok and I don't eat when I am busy.

The house is ticking along.. we plan to work a bite more outside this weekend and cleaning out the garage to try and get at least my car in there.

The fiance is amazing.. he really is.. all my issues and he still loves me for me.

PS: we are working on the getting married stuff.. celebrant visit next weekend. eeekk that makes it real... and honestly and I want to be a fit and healthy bride!

Wednesday, 21 May 2014

Gastroscopy !!

Today saw my visit to the specialist to have the gastroscopy done and finally they have actually diagnosed my issues instead of guessing. I have severe bile reflux and it has caused my stomach etc to become inflamed and sore etc too.

YAY finally I know what is wrong with me and can be medicated appropriately, well once the medication makes its way to Auckland, but hey a few more days I can manage I am sure.

I feel relief that this was not just all in my head and it is actually as bad as I have been feeling. I am the second worst case the Dr has ever seen. I am appreciative that this has finally been come to an end and hopefully by the time I go back to the hospital they can be like awesome you are sorted see you later.

In other news I have been following eating guidelines given to me from a nutritionist I contacted. I am feeling better in myself and have cut out coke zero and sugar free v from my diet and cut coffee down as we thought I have acid reflux, but this is not the case. I will continue to leave the coke zero and v out of my diet but I may have 2 coffees a day. I am actually kind of proud of myself for stopping drinking so much fizzy stuff. But I look forward to being able to drink soda and lime again and things like that. As well water and herbal tea... are boring at times.

Todays eating has been a bit odd.. I wasn't allowed to eat until after the tests etc and they sedated me etc as well so I have felt all outta wack all day and funny. I had a ha and egg sandwhich for breakfast and a smoothie for lunch and some fruit and dried fruit.. having pumpkin and kumera home-made soup for dinner and 2 peices of burgeon bread with marmite! YUM I love marmite!

I also took photos on moday of me in am PJ's and just a bra... yup not pretty and pretty in my face evidence but I need it to compare with as the months roll past..

Wedding is in less than a year.... time to get healthy so I can start married life in a good mental state about myself and about how I feel.

I was a 105.5 kgs on Monday... thats a huge number to me.. and it can only go down.

Wednesday, 7 May 2014


I am struggling but have made the decision to see a nutrionist to see if they can help me .. I am also having my jadelle implant removed this week. I believe it's causing me a few issues as well. I'll go back on the pill I lost weight on the pill so hoping it's still all going to work for me.

I have tracked for three days and finally we are finding a routine in our home.

Now to wait for my hospital appointment for my reflux issues and hoping that its soon as its been effecting me worse than it ever has been.

Monday, 28 April 2014

Mental state of play

Today I slept in... I needed it. The reflux is worst at night which sees me up most of the night taking medication and just trying not to throw up. Its not pleasant and at times its demoralising and plain character breaking.

Once up I went for a walk/run and I had to fight hard with "that voice" just to get out the door. Thank god I did because this afternoon the weather gave way and it got cold!!!

At times that voice in my head it tries hard to convince me to do or not do all sorts of things. I hate it... but its hard to stop it. It's nasty too its mean and cruel and at times crippling. This voice is one of the biggest challenges I have... taming this voice again and getting it back in its cage are my priority at the moment.

My food today has been really good and on track I am proud of my choices. Especially the brown rice salad I made for lunch and dinner! Was delicious !

Water has been good too.

Tomorrow I am off to the GAFE summit for work! Should be great ! Food us provided ... challenge for me but I can do it !

Sunday, 27 April 2014


Sooo ... my life has been hectic and interesting and hard and bloody unfair since I last posted.

We have moved into our house. I love it! but we had 6 weeks to get it landscaped = huge stress for us and it's nearly completed just top soil and grass to go. Then we will put gardens in as we can afford them.

My reflux has gotten so bad its destroying my teeth and I have a raw throat all the time. It effects my sleep as I can't lie down without it creeping  up my throat and into my sinuses. I also spend time trying not to vomit etc Sorry tmi

I love my job! but its full on and so busy!

I stopped running  because of my reflux, worst decision I ever made ! never again will I stop exercising completely again, I need to exercise I need to move my body needs it and most of all I need the mental realease. 

Weight wise I have gained 5kg and I am so unhappy and unhealthy its gross and just not ok. So what to do..simple what I know is right.... eat well, sleep well, exercise some what.. STOP beating myself up about the past and work on the future.

We have booked a date for the wedding finally and  I refuse to be a fat bride and hate my photos.... Also we want to have children and I need to be as healthy as I can be for that too ( in a few years but still good motivation).

one day at a time ... no mental abuse about what was and could have been.

Monday, 10 February 2014

Weigh in day

CW: 98. 
Loss of 100 grams 
Total lost 2014 - 3.4 kgs 

SW 101.4

I am not worried about the weigh in result as I know its not correct. Being female and the run yesterday will be contributing factors to it not going down much. I know I put the work in and I know there is loss there, it will show up next week.

Measurements     31/12                          27/1                  10/2              Difference
Chest                   110                            105.5                 105.5             
4.5 cms 
Waist                   113                            109.5                 109.5             5.5 cms 
Hips                    117                            110.5                  109.5             8.5 cms

Measurements are trucking along happy with them as well. 

On with the day. 

House discussions will be taking place big time. 

Sunday, 9 February 2014

10 kms - lots of thinking!

Today was the day I had entered to run 10 kms. 

I did it... thought I better say that first. 
It was hard, the course is very hilly and goes up and down and up up up and then down a bit. The first 5 kms and I wasn't all that happy my legs hurt, I kept telling myself get to the next hill and you can stretch and I just keep running, get to the next road and then you can stretch your legs, kept running. I ran the whole way, I ran and ran, I just kept going, not once did I stop not once did I walk. 

I planned to just run the race, get it done there were no miracles wanted here, I just wanted to finish it and run the whole way. 

I learnt something HUGE about myself. I CAN do anything I want to, I CAN run 10 kms, I CAN be successful and I am worthy of being the best person I can be. 
My own brain has a lot of to answer for, actually I do. I am the one who is so negative and horrible to myself about things. I am the reason I feel I can not achieve things. I NEED to be nicer to myself and a lot more positive about the things I want to achieve, weight loss and fitness wise.  

I finished, I also finished completing another Personal Best, YUP I bloody gave it my all it nearly had me in tears when my legs were burning and I finished in the best time ever. I was stoked!! 

My sister in law came to watch myself and two of her friends run. I crossed the finish line, I cried so did she. I year ago I was extremely sick and recovering from surgery. I then spent months trying to get myself back to normal and make myself better I gained a hole lot of weight and lost all my fitness. I then spent month dealing with reflux. So together we cried, she is proud of me but also knows the challenge I had to get back to this fitness level. 

I am again dealing with reflux and stomach burning I know whats triggered it.. stress... and I think its all connected to our bloody house. Doesn't make life easy when you are dealing with a bunk of a**holes. But ohh well. 
Tomorrow I will call them I want to have a meeting with them tomorrow night about the paint inside and out, and the time frames for getting it fixed. Also I need the front door on so the house is secure and the speakers etc we have supplied don't get stolen as they are not covered under insurance! 

I am taking things for the reflux, but its still bloody pestering me like anything I will have to delete somethings back out of my diet as they make it worse. :( grr... three weeks and this nightmare of a house build should be over. Honestly its ment to be a happy time, its far from it. 

School on the other hand is BLOODY busy but I am loving it. Lots of extra work to do but thats ok Ill get my head around it as time goes one. 

Weigh in day tomorrow.. will see you there. 

Thursday, 6 February 2014


On Monday we started back at school and I love it. I love my big kids I really do, so far its way more exciting and amazing than I thought it would be. Feel at home with them, lets hope that feeling lasts. 

Anyway, we went to morning tea and as I walked up the stairs one of my workmates says, Vic you have lost heaps of weight in your face!. Another ones as I am making a coffee, " you are looking great!" my response both times. Oh I have only lost 3 kgs. WHAT IS WRONG WITH MY BRAIN !!!! Thank you would have been sufficient !! I have to learn to be better in these situations. And remember where I see so far to go, most people see the difference and how far I have already come.

The other thing I have to compare is my runs. Tuesday I ran a rather hill filled run only managed 6 kms in 49 mins. Was SO cross with myself and how badly I had done. Even vented to a friend who was like um... you ran hills whats the issue here. 
Today I ran 7 kms in 50mins on a flat and level course. I realise two things. 1: I need to increase my pace a fair it so interval training tomorrow during my 40 min running, will try and increase speed every third lamp-post through out the hole run. I need to do something to increase my pace a bit. as getting under 7 min kms would be a lot better for the half marathon. 

I am doing really well with my runs I really am they are a priority in my life and I know I need/have to get them done. 

A bit scared about the 10 kms on Sunday it will be the furtherest I have run in a very very long time. So I am to just finish. Because that is what I need to do. 

Other than that I am a bit up on the sugar content this week, due to being rather tired as thats my crutch, but I am trying. Hopefully when the crutch is removed I will be a lot better in my trying to not eat so much sugary foods. 

Other than that life is ok. The house is frustrating and I am going to blast the building company yet again about the paint work as the inside has a few imperfections that I am just not ok with... would you be happy with splatters of paint on you walls and kitchen ? in your brand new house ??? I am not ok with this... The outside paint job looks like someone slapped it on and never bothered to prep it! So the pain is a HUGE bone on contention ! - maybe we are picky, but umm its a new house.. should look the part! 

I will fight them on it to.. Don't care its my money.. and if I could have done it better then why the hell did we pay them !! Enough on that :) 

Work is super busy and I think I will see myself there on Saturday for atleast 4-6 hours getting my head around things. Thats ok, its life! 

Monday, 3 February 2014

February WOW..

Week 28  January - 3 February 

CW: 98.1 
Loss of 900 grams 
Total lost 2014 - 3.3 kgs 

SW 101.4

Changed from weighing at 8-9 am to 6:20 am not sure if that means there is a heap of difference but I have. 

# consistent 4 runs a week   Awesome
# 3 strength sessions a week ummm nope... there is just no room at this house anymore !!
# 3x1 min prone every day ! See above 
# stretch my legs and back ( increase the length in my hip flexers) Doing this every 2 -3 day need to stretch my hip flexers more often though

# track  7/7 days nailed it.. really did, even though saturday I ate heaps I did not eat back all the calories I had burnt 
# reduce sugar and fat content of foods 
Working hard on this one.. still  struggle
# eat well balanced meals meals are great !! I am planning and organising myself well
# no binging yesterday None at all !!!
# 2 -3 litres a day On this its too hot not too

This week saw me run for an hour 8 kms and I was stuffed I had to walk in two places just 2 lamp posts though, so I am stoked. Good eye opener of how far I have to go. I am working on it.. Please wait to see the outcome in a few months time. I also have made a mindset change even if the.. I dont want to go for a run kicks in I am out the door before it gets to convince anyone including me otherwise. I am really loving it. 

Today see's the children back at school and HUGE change in age level for me, BUT I can not wait to spend time with these kid and get to know them. 

I have a fair few things on over the next 4-6 weeks and I am going to have to juggle my running schedule around them so I can still meet my 4 runs per week target as this is something I am not willing to let slide. 

Bring on term one.. its 11 weeks long and I have camp in there too..  and the half and 2 10 km runs 

Would like to be in the 80's by the end of the term. thats 8.2 kgs to lose minimum. 

Thursday, 30 January 2014

You really are what you eat

Honestly... YOU ARE

I have cut the excess sugar intake down and I honstly feel a lot better. The scales have moved a tiny bit.. thats a good thing.

I have run 2 lots of 6 kms this week and done not one strength session I have NO WHERE to do it our room is full of boxes and things that need packing. 27 days till we should have the keys.. OMG I can not wait..

God example as to why.. thursday the boy plays cricket... I can go home and DO nothing after my run hehehe NOT that that will happen my school work load is HUGE and very ummm time consuming I refuse to say stressful as its not stressing me out as I have a list and I am working through it because thats my own way of dealing with it can only do so much.. 9 hours days at work but 3-4 hours in the evenings so far this week.. its getting done but I am sure there will be HEAPS more to do!

Monday, 27 January 2014

Inside ones head

Today I have spent a lot of time alone with my thoughts.. 

I am struggling with good food choices, apart from meals they are always good, and spent time looking at where my " weight loss " is not going so well.. and I think I have figured it out.. 

My environment is not conjusive for someone like me ho has food addiction that is triggered by seeing it. I really do. I have a few issues with eating because it is there and well... its here... it really is here. Tonight it was cadbury favourites .. 2 boxes not even one I managed to have 2 chocolates and leave it at that but it was a lot of mental talking. 

I am looking forward to going back to work. There is food there but I can say no to that reasonably well. I am looking forward to moving into my house. Wayne is on board with the no junk policy. I am looking forward to not feeling like a addict surrounded by my drug of choice. 

I can do this.... 

In the mean time. I will run and track an be as on track and honest as I can be with myself. 

Now to go to bed. I have a course to attend in the morning, a hair cut and colour and a run and strength training session to do tomorrow.

Measurements and weigh in

After 4 weeks of training hard and concentrating on what I am eating I am going to report in. BUT things are not like I expected. I expected big losses and huge change and well... see below.

CW: 99
Loss of 400 grams 
Total lost 2014 - 2.4 kgs 

SW 101.4

Measurements     31/12                          27/1                 Difference
Chest                   110                            105.5                 4.5 cms 
Waist                   113                            109.5                 3.5 cms 
Hips                    117                            110.5                 6.5 cms

Week 20  - 27 January 

# consistent 4 runs a week   Smashed it !!
# 3 strength sessions a week Done 
# 3x1 min prone every day ! Ummmm nope
# stretch my legs and back ( increase the length in my hip flexers) Doing this most days 

# track 7/7 days 
# reduce sugar and fat content of foods I think this is my down fall.. I really do. 

# eat well balanced meals meals are great 
# no binging yesterday None 
# 2 -3 litres a day Doing it

# work on positive self talk Its been hard not seeing the results I want
# increase mental strength to not give up when running  I am so getting there with this, just need my leg to help and not hurt to often
# work through things and not eat my emotions ( HUGE task) 
I am also getting there with this. I have not binged as such for about 2 weeks.

I know I am working on calorie in calorie out, but I do wonder if I am eting far to much sugar and my body is refusing to give up the weight. So I going to to try my hardest ( living in lolly kingdom) to try and not eat as much sugar etc. I go back to work basically this week and I am looking forward to the routine. 

Our house should be complete in a month. 

I am not happy with my results I really want to see more weight off, basically because I know I am being consistent with my exercise and I feel I deserve more from my efforts. I am the one screwing it up though with what I am eating. 
I am the one who has to be accountable for what I choose to eat etc. 

So the goal this week. More protein ( ordered more protein powder yesterday) this sugar and shit !! 

Tuesday, 21 January 2014

Incapable... am I really ??

I have had a fair few issues this week and a lot of them I have abused food to get over. I am a food addict who has at times some really large issues with not eating my emotions.

Right that said. 

I have been struggling with the idea that I am a failure and I am incapable of completing anything I put my mind to.. I am also freaking our slightly about my new year level this year for work, even though I asked for this change. I have HUGE self doubt issues and I am struggling to keep them under control.

This week I managed my 4 runs. Did something I said I would.
I managed 1 strength session - not so flash

I had 4 great on track eating day, 2 ok and I disaster day, which was sunday after my run.

I ran 5 kms in the fastest time I ever have and at a rather heavy weight. I got over my fear of crowds and ran this event in 33.39 mins I was stoked I cried. BUT no one really got why this was so important to me.. but I cried because I did it.. I completed something. First step done.

I am struggling with the fact I am working hard on my exercise and I just wish my bloody weight would come down. I am however changing shape. BUT I know its my "blow outs" that are causing the lack of weight loss. Again this is my choices. I am working on getting things to balance.

I am also doing a lot of research into what to eat  during my runs once they start to get a bit longer. Over an hour and I need to be eating something and drinking something .... all calories I need to look at... possibly I will look at eating back some of what I am burning off. I am currently not eating back my calories burnt and eating 1660 each day, if I run like today I only burn 380 = net calories eaten of 1280... is this enough I do not know. I struggle with working out the balance.. weather it be weight watchers points or calories its getting the balance to work for me.

I am going to work on eating a good balance.

In other news... the house is causing me a lot of stress the completion date has been moved out by another 8 days.. I burst into tears. I am just F**king over it... sooo over it.. I am also just desperately needing my own space and things..

Also my Dad has offered us money towards the wedding no hang ups, no requests, no input just some money to help... which means once the house is done we will be setting a date! Living with others means their expectations are being implied and at times nearly demanded which at times has caused me to bite my tongue and just say no... or at one point I said we would go get married on lunch time.. haha... yes I am naughty I know!

Saturday, 18 January 2014

Feeling. ..

The last two days I have felt so sad and down. . I had no idea as to why I just did. Then I realised its because I feel like all I do is fail. .. and this time I have got a bit wobbky but .... I am still running I have a weight loss do far this year of 2 kgs and I am 90% of the time on track with my eating.  I need to improve yes. . But I am trying hard.  4 runs a week is the most important thing and I know I need to get my strength training to at least twice sa week to help improve my running. 

First of the three runs tomorrow. 5 km which I can do comfortably. .

Maybe I sad as I mourn the me I have lost slightly over the past two - three years... maybe I am sad because I know I am better than what I am right now.

All I do know is... I am the only one who can change it!

Monday, 13 January 2014

Been a little quiet this week

This week hasn't been a great as last week, I had 2 bad days eating and 2 missed exercise sessions. BUT I am ok with that I made choices they are mine to own.

Week 2 weight in results

CW: 99.4
Loss of 100 grams 
Total lost 2014 - 2 kgs 

Week 7 - 13 January 

# consistent 4 runs a week   2 runs this week I haven't been feeling the best 
# 3 strength sessions a week 2 strength sessions
# 3x1 min prone every day ! NOPE !! MUST do this 
# stretch my legs and back ( increase the length in my hip flexers) Getting there but not enough

# track 5/7 days 
# reduce sugar and fat content of foods ummm most of the week then yesterday I went on a bender!

# eat well balanced meals most of the time 
# no binging yesterday I ate about 6 favourite chocolate bars 
# 2 -3 litres a day not consistent

# work on positive self talk Getting there 
# increase mental strength to not give up when running   I am managing this well goal this week is a 45 mins run
# work through things and not eat my emotions ( HUGE task) Yesterday the other half annoyed me to the point I was in tears and so upset I ate, he is just a "bloke" sometimes and it pisses me off 

Overall at times the wheels fall off its how we put them back on and how quickly we put them back on that counts. I have my fitst of the three runs this week and I am scared but looking forward to it. I also need to run for 45 mins this week.. and as of next monday... Its HALF MARATHON 12 week training !!! EEEkk 

I have lost cms of my boobs, waist and hips to.. so I am happy.. I can do this ! 

One day at a time good choices ! 

Monday, 6 January 2014

End of week 1 of Fatchance

Weigh in day for me

CW: 99.5 
Loss of 1.9 kgs 
Total lost 2014 - 1.9 kgs 

Week 31.12/13 - 6.1.14 
# consistent 4 runs a week Done 
# 3 strength sessions a week Done 
# 3x1 min prone every day ! 
# stretch my legs and back ( increase the length in my hip flexers) Done also foam rolling my legs 

# track 95%
# reduce sugar and fat content of foods 
Trying hard
# eat well balanced meals 
Trying hard
# no binging Done
# 2 -3 litres a day Most days

# work on positive self talk Trying hard 
# increase mental strength to not give up when running 
Trying hard - have managed to not stop when running this past week.
# work through things and not eat my emotions ( HUGE task) 
Trying hard - hard one we glip, my Gran is getting more and more unwell and she went back into hospital and a few chocs passed my lips before I managed to pull myself back together. ( when I say a few it was 3 cadbury favourite mini things, not a box). 

The first week of Fatchance has gone really fast and there are lots of lessons to be learnt. I am not a master of any but I am working on it. So far I have looked really hard at my reasons for eating, emotion vs physical hunger, my portion sizes and "what" I eat. I eat to much, I eat our of boredom and food being "there" and I off to bigger plate. I have managed to get these under control most of the time but mastering these to make them the "normal" is going to take time and more practice.

I have lost weight and cms I am happy.
I exercised last week like I promised myself I would.  I am pleased at the changes I am making the the goals I have set myself. I CAN do this. I really can...

We have also started looking at venues and planning the wedding, well costing the wedding, so possibly the fear of being a "fat" bride might just possibly be helping me keep motivated.   :)

Sunday, 5 January 2014

Falling into place

I have run 4 runs a week for two weeks... BUT I had to have a stern chat with myself to actually get todays run done.. AND stupidly I was happy as once out running. I really need to get over myself some days. 

This week sees me run 4 times and do 3 strength sessions. I am super proud of that. I weigh in tomorrow and will tell you how I went. Yesterdays food was a little bit up and over the thresh hold but hey I am just getting to grips with that. Today I ran 5.5 kms in 40 mins stoked with that. !! 

I also entered today to do this   I am doing all three events, 5km, 5km and then 10 kms,  I love the idea and have friends who are going to do it with me so that makes it even better. $89 free t-shirt and metal bottle. COOLIO so looking forward to it. I also like the motivation and it fits with my training so thats all good.  

My work with the fatchance workbook is really helping me. Yesterday it was about exercise. Well that I have nailed so it was ok. Today is eating a rainbow. ALSO something I am pretty good at. But the other 5 things, are all things I struggle with. I honestly can say, my stomach has shrunk and I do not eat at meal times anywhere near as much, especially at dinner time. 

LOVING it.. really am !! 

Thursday, 2 January 2014

Keeping up being consistent

I'm 4 days into this week and so far, I have done 2 x sets of strength work and 2 x runs. I am really pleased with myself. I also worked out that I can not run with the thing telling me every 5 mins that I have done this many kms etc blah blah. I ran without it today and enjoyed my run ( minus the cramp) a lot more. BUT I do have very sore /  heavy thighs from my run. I will foam roll my legs soon and release some of the lactic acid in them. 

I have eaten well that past two days, today I have an upset tummy, possibly mild food poisoning from the pork I ate yesterday, so trying hard to eat enough as I ran this morning and burnt 450 odd calories so I need to eating at least 1500 to make sure I eating enough net calories. 

The "fat chance" workbook I am working through yesterday set me the goal to only eat when I was hungry. WOW was this a insight for me. I definitely eat often from boredom and because others are eating. NOT GOOD so yesterday I tackled that and today it was to clear our the environment, well as you all know my house/pantry is filled with "Today is also the day to clean out your fridge, freezer and pantry of all foods that you know are poor food choices. Throw out biscuits, chippies, sugared drinks, jam, sweets and do not allow them back in. That means, do not buy them again." So I have promised myself to not have these things pass my lips or to buy them and not to bring them into my home when we move in. The boy can have a container with his bits in it. NOT for me to eat and I will write that on the top of the box if I have too. 
The other part of today is to reduce the size of the plate you eat on. "Today purchase, or find in your kitchen, two small plates and two small bowls. (Buy two of each so when one is in the dishwasher you will always have a clean one.) The plates should be 20cm or less in diameter. The bowls should be 15cm or less in diameter if shallow or 12cm or less in diameter if deeper, so that they contain no more than one cup when comfortably full. (Yes, I am serious.) You may have a larger bowl to use for soups only. Choose attractive ones that you really like and will enjoy using. You may also decide to use a small knife and fork and a teaspoon for everything except soup." 

So I need to go and measure our plates. I have actually been eating my lunch off a small side plate recently anyway so I don't think it will bother me. As it says you can have seconds just the idea is to reduce portions in a way, visual thing. 

Water intake is good, at neatly 2.5 litres so far today. Yesterday I managed nearly 4 litres over the day, also a good way to distract from the food intake as well. I feel really positive about working on my mental space it really is helping me make changes. 

I am looking forward to weighing myself on monday and having a a we measure of myself. I know that doing the strength training will help me with toning and being strong.