Incapable... am I really ??

I have had a fair few issues this week and a lot of them I have abused food to get over. I am a food addict who has at times some really large issues with not eating my emotions.

Right that said. 

I have been struggling with the idea that I am a failure and I am incapable of completing anything I put my mind to.. I am also freaking our slightly about my new year level this year for work, even though I asked for this change. I have HUGE self doubt issues and I am struggling to keep them under control.

This week I managed my 4 runs. Did something I said I would.
I managed 1 strength session - not so flash

I had 4 great on track eating day, 2 ok and I disaster day, which was sunday after my run.

I ran 5 kms in the fastest time I ever have and at a rather heavy weight. I got over my fear of crowds and ran this event in 33.39 mins I was stoked I cried. BUT no one really got why this was so important to me.. but I cried because I did it.. I completed something. First step done.

I am struggling with the fact I am working hard on my exercise and I just wish my bloody weight would come down. I am however changing shape. BUT I know its my "blow outs" that are causing the lack of weight loss. Again this is my choices. I am working on getting things to balance.

I am also doing a lot of research into what to eat  during my runs once they start to get a bit longer. Over an hour and I need to be eating something and drinking something .... all calories I need to look at... possibly I will look at eating back some of what I am burning off. I am currently not eating back my calories burnt and eating 1660 each day, if I run like today I only burn 380 = net calories eaten of 1280... is this enough I do not know. I struggle with working out the balance.. weather it be weight watchers points or calories its getting the balance to work for me.

I am going to work on eating a good balance.

In other news... the house is causing me a lot of stress the completion date has been moved out by another 8 days.. I burst into tears. I am just F**king over it... sooo over it.. I am also just desperately needing my own space and things..

Also my Dad has offered us money towards the wedding no hang ups, no requests, no input just some money to help... which means once the house is done we will be setting a date! Living with others means their expectations are being implied and at times nearly demanded which at times has caused me to bite my tongue and just say no... or at one point I said we would go get married on lunch time.. haha... yes I am naughty I know!