The hard road out of hell...

I at times feel so trapped by how "big" I have become. I get angry and frustrated at myself for allowing myself to get to this state..

The last week I have comfort eaten like a crazy lady and I struggled to get back out of that. Being sick and coming to terms with the fact my grandparents may not be here much longer I have found very hard to accept.. My Nana is like my mum and I love her dearly.

My Nutrionist is helping me deal with my emotional response to binge eat and I feel like a am making baby steps, but they are baby.. I have also noticed I have no will power at times.. see food and eat it.. I honestly can not stop myself so I am working on this.

There is no real weight loss as there was weight gain BUT I am working on me.. That is what in the long run should stop a relapse back to this level of over weight-ness.

I need to find peace with myself and stop mentally abusing myself as it is not helping.

On the plus side work is super busy and it keeps me occupied in the evenings as I have reports and so many other things to do so thats good. Work is stressful but thats ok and I don't eat when I am busy.

The house is ticking along.. we plan to work a bite more outside this weekend and cleaning out the garage to try and get at least my car in there.

The fiance is amazing.. he really is.. all my issues and he still loves me for me.

PS: we are working on the getting married stuff.. celebrant visit next weekend. eeekk that makes it real... and honestly and I want to be a fit and healthy bride!