The mental head f*ck

Grr I hate love the scales in my bathroom. I really do.. sometimes they make me so happy other times.. so pissed off I want to throw them...

Today is a throw them out the window day.
I have run 4 times this week and completed 1 x walk weight session, so far hoping to squeeze in another tonight but I have a late meeting that goes till 7, the gotta get home etc before its dark but I am sure I can do it. So you would think will all that exercise I would be up for an awesome loss.. NOT I have gained 400 grams.. pretty not happy over here.. pretty annoyed. With the extra weight I am carrying you would think burning an average of 600 cals plus per run I would be seeing a great loss. NOPE not anything nada nothing !

I am going to take my measurements tonight as I think they will help on days like today.

Positives: I feel a hell of a lot better most of the time within myself. I am shrinking the doosh pants prove that. I am getting fit and healthy. 

I need to focus on the getting fit and back to running 5 kms three - four times a week instead of the losing weight side if this. Just it's sooo hard when all I want is those scales to move and give me some gratification especially with the wedding only 2 months away and all the hard work I am doing..

Just and FYI my food has been great I stick to my points and have eaten 5 of my exercise points back. So far I have earned 34 exercise points with the intention of earning more today. My week is Wed - Tues for food and exercise and weight watchers weigh in, but I weigh in for this blog on a friday.

I am wondering if I need to up my protien intake a wee bit.. might look at that for next week.

Tonight though I will measure myself.

Two weeks two losses

Really happy. I managed two weeks og losses at weigh in. Now this may sound like a normal thing but for me right now my weight is stubborn and I am trying hard as I can to be positive.

I set a goal this week (thursday to wednesday) 3 x c25km session 2 x walk and weights

Why, because exercise is good for my mind and stress levels and it helps with weight loss.

I am very snowed under at work and the wedding and I have my hens do this Saturday and people here for the weekend. So right now.. I come first, what I want comes first!

So a dinner out and a high tea to negotiate this week. I can do it.. just need to look at my choices and drink lots of water.

I will post some photos on Saturday too. On my jeans and singlet

Freaking out...

I get marred in 11 weeks and 6 days and I am working hard on eating well and exercising and have been for 2 - 3 weeks and I am not seeing the results I want to see, I am just hoping all my hard work pays off at some point.

I have been pretty good with my food maybe 1-2 over days in that hole time and that would have been countered by all my exercise for that week. So I should really be seeing more of a loss than the 400 grams I got last week.

I am trying not to let this get me down but it is scaring me, I used to find losing weight so easy before having my gallbladder removed, now i fight for every 100 grams and its a bit frustrating to say the least.

I am doing weights and a walk 2-3 times a week and 3 c25km session a week. I should see a change in my weight, well at least with that I know I will see a change in my shape. I am a bit sore after the mild weights a did today but I know this will improve. I have also up my incidental exercise at both work and home as I make myself do things and walk about.

I am hoping to report a loss at some point this week but after friday nights dinner and wine tasting I am still waiting for my weight to sort itself out! My ring is still tight so I am guessing i am retaining fluid... possibly...

Rant over!

New month...

Hi all, 

Sorry for the wee absence. 

My Nan passed away on the 13th of January and well since then life has a been a bit up and down and I am struggling at times but I am getting there. I miss her immensely and its the small things, I cant chat to her about things and well just listen to her as she always made me feel better. 

Weight loss wise.. the scales are finally going down with me being able to be consistent and also I have been back at weight watchers for 2 meetings and I started the c25km challenge last week. I even ran last night between a meeting and school finishing so I didn't miss my run and could make it to the later weight watchers meeting as well.. 

I come first now. Me, my needs wants desires and dreams. 

We went to a wedding last friday and someone took a picture of my back and to my horror I had fat rolls.. I think that is currently what is giving me the passion to drive this forward as I do not want them in 12 weeks time to ruin or upset me on my wedding day. 

My weight loss to dates ( I went back to 110 odd kgs so since 28th ish of Jan) is about 2 kgs. I only lost 400 grams this week, I am thinking it could be the running or also the fact I skipped my sugar pills and started taking the next lot of normal pills on my contraceptive.. Who actually knows but I am just going to keep going. 

Mental state of play

Today I slept in... I needed it. The reflux is worst at night which sees me up most of the night taking medication and just trying not to throw up. Its not pleasant and at times its demoralising and plain character breaking.

Once up I went for a walk/run and I had to fight hard with "that voice" just to get out the door. Thank god I did because this afternoon the weather gave way and it got cold!!!

At times that voice in my head it tries hard to convince me to do or not do all sorts of things. I hate it... but its hard to stop it. It's nasty too its mean and cruel and at times crippling. This voice is one of the biggest challenges I have... taming this voice again and getting it back in its cage are my priority at the moment.

My food today has been really good and on track I am proud of my choices. Especially the brown rice salad I made for lunch and dinner! Was delicious !

Water has been good too.

Tomorrow I am off to the GAFE summit for work! Should be great ! Food us provided ... challenge for me but I can do it !