Starting to get the hang of it

So today I have had a good day. Water has been awesome, food has been ok under 1650 calories pleased with that. I made dinner avoided the wine and burger but had pudding, I made a lumberjack cake. I honestly just can not over eat my tummy is just not big enough and I really just do not want to stretch it again. Something I am aware of and going to just think about. The other thing I think about is, would you eat XYZ if it was a carrot. I also can not eat chocolate it makes me feel gorse and my stomach upset, ohh dear how bloody sad! 

I have also decided that I will allow myself a treat once a week, that maybe a glass or two of wine or a nice pudding like I had tonight or something similar. Just once a week and it will be to stop the deprived feeling I have and when this happens I fall down badly and lose the plot and binge. So I want to avoid the binging as that is not a healthy behaviour and I want to be as healthy mentally and physically as I can be. :) 

Tomorrow I would love to get a 5km training session in, the weather today was not good running weather for me, it's freezing wind and with my circulation issues I go numb in the hands and the feet, numb feet is not good when you taper trying to run you can't feel where they land. I have fallen a few times from this and honestly it's not worth the damage that happens, I have twisted my knees and ankles and scrapes etc. 

I am looking forward to seeing the results on the scales. Monday will be weigh in day, it's a nice way to start the week and gets it over and done with for me. Currently I am down a bit from the other day and just under the 100 kg mark. I hate those triple figures they mean many things to me, but the main thing it means is I have lost control and I do not want to be there again. I am in contour of my life, I make the choices and I have control of my future. 

Life honestly is a balancing act and it's the same when you are a person who has issues with your weight or maintaining a healthy weight and being happy. I am sure everyone has their challenges but this is mine, and it's a big one as it effects me on a fair few levels. At the moment my confidence and how I feel about myself. I feel awful and gorse. I never felt this being 140+ kgs but I feel this now after being small, just for a brief time I was small but I felt a hell of a lot better than this does. I also will not be so bloody hard on myself when I get there. Bodies and minds have issues at being on the same page at times, I am hoping I can manage this once I get there this time. 

Have a good evening all..