Honestly... YOU ARE
I have cut the excess sugar intake down and I honstly feel a lot better. The scales have moved a tiny bit.. thats a good thing.
I have run 2 lots of 6 kms this week and done not one strength session I have NO WHERE to do it our room is full of boxes and things that need packing. 27 days till we should have the keys.. OMG I can not wait..
God example as to why.. thursday the boy plays cricket... I can go home and DO nothing after my run hehehe NOT that that will happen my school work load is HUGE and very ummm time consuming I refuse to say stressful as its not stressing me out as I have a list and I am working through it because thats my own way of dealing with it can only do so much.. 9 hours days at work but 3-4 hours in the evenings so far this week.. its getting done but I am sure there will be HEAPS more to do!
Thursday, 30 January 2014
Monday, 27 January 2014
Inside ones head
Today I have spent a lot of time alone with my thoughts..
I am struggling with good food choices, apart from meals they are always good, and spent time looking at where my " weight loss " is not going so well.. and I think I have figured it out..
My environment is not conjusive for someone like me ho has food addiction that is triggered by seeing it. I really do. I have a few issues with eating because it is there and well... its here... it really is here. Tonight it was cadbury favourites .. 2 boxes not even one I managed to have 2 chocolates and leave it at that but it was a lot of mental talking.
I am looking forward to going back to work. There is food there but I can say no to that reasonably well. I am looking forward to moving into my house. Wayne is on board with the no junk policy. I am looking forward to not feeling like a addict surrounded by my drug of choice.
I can do this....
In the mean time. I will run and track an be as on track and honest as I can be with myself.
Now to go to bed. I have a course to attend in the morning, a hair cut and colour and a run and strength training session to do tomorrow.
I am struggling with good food choices, apart from meals they are always good, and spent time looking at where my " weight loss " is not going so well.. and I think I have figured it out..
My environment is not conjusive for someone like me ho has food addiction that is triggered by seeing it. I really do. I have a few issues with eating because it is there and well... its here... it really is here. Tonight it was cadbury favourites .. 2 boxes not even one I managed to have 2 chocolates and leave it at that but it was a lot of mental talking.
I am looking forward to going back to work. There is food there but I can say no to that reasonably well. I am looking forward to moving into my house. Wayne is on board with the no junk policy. I am looking forward to not feeling like a addict surrounded by my drug of choice.
I can do this....
In the mean time. I will run and track an be as on track and honest as I can be with myself.
Now to go to bed. I have a course to attend in the morning, a hair cut and colour and a run and strength training session to do tomorrow.
Measurements and weigh in
After 4 weeks of training hard and concentrating on what I am eating I am going to report in. BUT things are not like I expected. I expected big losses and huge change and well... see below.
CW: 99
Loss of 400 grams
Total lost 2014 - 2.4 kgs
SW 101.4
Measurements 31/12 27/1 Difference
Chest 110 105.5 4.5 cms
Waist 113 109.5 3.5 cms
Hips 117 110.5 6.5 cms
Week 20 - 27 January
Exercise
# consistent 4 runs a week Smashed it !!
# 3 strength sessions a week Done
# 3x1 min prone every day ! Ummmm nope
# stretch my legs and back ( increase the length in my hip flexers) Doing this most days
Eating
# track 7/7 days
# reduce sugar and fat content of foods I think this is my down fall.. I really do.
# eat well balanced meals meals are great
# no binging yesterday None
# 2 -3 litres a day Doing it
Mental
# work on positive self talk Its been hard not seeing the results I want
# increase mental strength to not give up when running I am so getting there with this, just need my leg to help and not hurt to often
# work through things and not eat my emotions ( HUGE task) I am also getting there with this. I have not binged as such for about 2 weeks.
I know I am working on calorie in calorie out, but I do wonder if I am eting far to much sugar and my body is refusing to give up the weight. So I going to to try my hardest ( living in lolly kingdom) to try and not eat as much sugar etc. I go back to work basically this week and I am looking forward to the routine.
Our house should be complete in a month.
I am not happy with my results I really want to see more weight off, basically because I know I am being consistent with my exercise and I feel I deserve more from my efforts. I am the one screwing it up though with what I am eating.
I am the one who has to be accountable for what I choose to eat etc.
So the goal this week. More protein ( ordered more protein powder yesterday) this sugar and shit !!
CW: 99
Loss of 400 grams
Total lost 2014 - 2.4 kgs
SW 101.4
Measurements 31/12 27/1 Difference
Chest 110 105.5 4.5 cms
Waist 113 109.5 3.5 cms
Hips 117 110.5 6.5 cms
Week 20 - 27 January
Exercise
# consistent 4 runs a week Smashed it !!
# 3 strength sessions a week Done
# 3x1 min prone every day ! Ummmm nope
# stretch my legs and back ( increase the length in my hip flexers) Doing this most days
Eating
# track 7/7 days
# reduce sugar and fat content of foods I think this is my down fall.. I really do.
# eat well balanced meals meals are great
# no binging yesterday None
# 2 -3 litres a day Doing it
Mental
# work on positive self talk Its been hard not seeing the results I want
# increase mental strength to not give up when running I am so getting there with this, just need my leg to help and not hurt to often
# work through things and not eat my emotions ( HUGE task) I am also getting there with this. I have not binged as such for about 2 weeks.
I know I am working on calorie in calorie out, but I do wonder if I am eting far to much sugar and my body is refusing to give up the weight. So I going to to try my hardest ( living in lolly kingdom) to try and not eat as much sugar etc. I go back to work basically this week and I am looking forward to the routine.
Our house should be complete in a month.
I am not happy with my results I really want to see more weight off, basically because I know I am being consistent with my exercise and I feel I deserve more from my efforts. I am the one screwing it up though with what I am eating.
I am the one who has to be accountable for what I choose to eat etc.
So the goal this week. More protein ( ordered more protein powder yesterday) this sugar and shit !!
Tuesday, 21 January 2014
Incapable... am I really ??
I have had a fair few issues this week and a lot of them I have abused food to get over. I am a food addict who has at times some really large issues with not eating my emotions.
Right that said.
I have been struggling with the idea that I am a failure and I am incapable of completing anything I put my mind to.. I am also freaking our slightly about my new year level this year for work, even though I asked for this change. I have HUGE self doubt issues and I am struggling to keep them under control.
This week I managed my 4 runs. Did something I said I would.
I managed 1 strength session - not so flash
I had 4 great on track eating day, 2 ok and I disaster day, which was sunday after my run.
I ran 5 kms in the fastest time I ever have and at a rather heavy weight. I got over my fear of crowds and ran this event in 33.39 mins I was stoked I cried. BUT no one really got why this was so important to me.. but I cried because I did it.. I completed something. First step done.
I am struggling with the fact I am working hard on my exercise and I just wish my bloody weight would come down. I am however changing shape. BUT I know its my "blow outs" that are causing the lack of weight loss. Again this is my choices. I am working on getting things to balance.
I am also doing a lot of research into what to eat during my runs once they start to get a bit longer. Over an hour and I need to be eating something and drinking something .... all calories I need to look at... possibly I will look at eating back some of what I am burning off. I am currently not eating back my calories burnt and eating 1660 each day, if I run like today I only burn 380 = net calories eaten of 1280... is this enough I do not know. I struggle with working out the balance.. weather it be weight watchers points or calories its getting the balance to work for me.
I am going to work on eating a good balance.
In other news... the house is causing me a lot of stress the completion date has been moved out by another 8 days.. I burst into tears. I am just F**king over it... sooo over it.. I am also just desperately needing my own space and things..
Also my Dad has offered us money towards the wedding no hang ups, no requests, no input just some money to help... which means once the house is done we will be setting a date! Living with others means their expectations are being implied and at times nearly demanded which at times has caused me to bite my tongue and just say no... or at one point I said we would go get married on lunch time.. haha... yes I am naughty I know!
Right that said.
I have been struggling with the idea that I am a failure and I am incapable of completing anything I put my mind to.. I am also freaking our slightly about my new year level this year for work, even though I asked for this change. I have HUGE self doubt issues and I am struggling to keep them under control.
This week I managed my 4 runs. Did something I said I would.
I managed 1 strength session - not so flash
I had 4 great on track eating day, 2 ok and I disaster day, which was sunday after my run.
I ran 5 kms in the fastest time I ever have and at a rather heavy weight. I got over my fear of crowds and ran this event in 33.39 mins I was stoked I cried. BUT no one really got why this was so important to me.. but I cried because I did it.. I completed something. First step done.
I am struggling with the fact I am working hard on my exercise and I just wish my bloody weight would come down. I am however changing shape. BUT I know its my "blow outs" that are causing the lack of weight loss. Again this is my choices. I am working on getting things to balance.
I am also doing a lot of research into what to eat during my runs once they start to get a bit longer. Over an hour and I need to be eating something and drinking something .... all calories I need to look at... possibly I will look at eating back some of what I am burning off. I am currently not eating back my calories burnt and eating 1660 each day, if I run like today I only burn 380 = net calories eaten of 1280... is this enough I do not know. I struggle with working out the balance.. weather it be weight watchers points or calories its getting the balance to work for me.
I am going to work on eating a good balance.
In other news... the house is causing me a lot of stress the completion date has been moved out by another 8 days.. I burst into tears. I am just F**king over it... sooo over it.. I am also just desperately needing my own space and things..
Also my Dad has offered us money towards the wedding no hang ups, no requests, no input just some money to help... which means once the house is done we will be setting a date! Living with others means their expectations are being implied and at times nearly demanded which at times has caused me to bite my tongue and just say no... or at one point I said we would go get married on lunch time.. haha... yes I am naughty I know!
Saturday, 18 January 2014
Feeling. ..
The last two days I have felt so sad and down. . I had no idea as to why I just did. Then I realised its because I feel like all I do is fail. .. and this time I have got a bit wobbky but .... I am still running I have a weight loss do far this year of 2 kgs and I am 90% of the time on track with my eating. I need to improve yes. . But I am trying hard. 4 runs a week is the most important thing and I know I need to get my strength training to at least twice sa week to help improve my running.
First of the three runs tomorrow. 5 km which I can do comfortably. .
Maybe I sad as I mourn the me I have lost slightly over the past two - three years... maybe I am sad because I know I am better than what I am right now.
All I do know is... I am the only one who can change it!
Monday, 13 January 2014
Been a little quiet this week
This week hasn't been a great as last week, I had 2 bad days eating and 2 missed exercise sessions. BUT I am ok with that I made choices they are mine to own.
Week 2 weight in results
CW: 99.4
Loss of 100 grams
Total lost 2014 - 2 kgs
Week 7 - 13 January
Exercise
# consistent 4 runs a week 2 runs this week I haven't been feeling the best
# 3 strength sessions a week 2 strength sessions
# 3x1 min prone every day ! NOPE !! MUST do this
# stretch my legs and back ( increase the length in my hip flexers) Getting there but not enough
Eating
# track 5/7 days
# reduce sugar and fat content of foods ummm most of the week then yesterday I went on a bender!
# eat well balanced meals most of the time
# no binging yesterday I ate about 6 favourite chocolate bars
# 2 -3 litres a day not consistent
Mental
# work on positive self talk Getting there
# increase mental strength to not give up when running I am managing this well goal this week is a 45 mins run
# work through things and not eat my emotions ( HUGE task) Yesterday the other half annoyed me to the point I was in tears and so upset I ate, he is just a "bloke" sometimes and it pisses me off
Overall at times the wheels fall off its how we put them back on and how quickly we put them back on that counts. I have my fitst of the three runs this week and I am scared but looking forward to it. I also need to run for 45 mins this week.. and as of next monday... Its HALF MARATHON 12 week training !!! EEEkk
I have lost cms of my boobs, waist and hips to.. so I am happy.. I can do this !
One day at a time good choices !
Week 2 weight in results
CW: 99.4
Loss of 100 grams
Total lost 2014 - 2 kgs
Week 7 - 13 January
Exercise
# consistent 4 runs a week 2 runs this week I haven't been feeling the best
# 3 strength sessions a week 2 strength sessions
# 3x1 min prone every day ! NOPE !! MUST do this
# stretch my legs and back ( increase the length in my hip flexers) Getting there but not enough
Eating
# track 5/7 days
# reduce sugar and fat content of foods ummm most of the week then yesterday I went on a bender!
# eat well balanced meals most of the time
# no binging yesterday I ate about 6 favourite chocolate bars
# 2 -3 litres a day not consistent
Mental
# work on positive self talk Getting there
# increase mental strength to not give up when running I am managing this well goal this week is a 45 mins run
# work through things and not eat my emotions ( HUGE task) Yesterday the other half annoyed me to the point I was in tears and so upset I ate, he is just a "bloke" sometimes and it pisses me off
Overall at times the wheels fall off its how we put them back on and how quickly we put them back on that counts. I have my fitst of the three runs this week and I am scared but looking forward to it. I also need to run for 45 mins this week.. and as of next monday... Its HALF MARATHON 12 week training !!! EEEkk
I have lost cms of my boobs, waist and hips to.. so I am happy.. I can do this !
One day at a time good choices !
Monday, 6 January 2014
End of week 1 of Fatchance
Weigh in day for me
CW: 99.5
Loss of 1.9 kgs
Total lost 2014 - 1.9 kgs
Week 31.12/13 - 6.1.14
Exercise
# consistent 4 runs a week Done
# 3 strength sessions a week Done
# 3x1 min prone every day ! Nope
# stretch my legs and back ( increase the length in my hip flexers) Done also foam rolling my legs
Eating
# track 95%
# reduce sugar and fat content of foods Trying hard
# eat well balanced meals Trying hard
# no binging Done
# 2 -3 litres a day Most days
Mental
# work on positive self talk Trying hard
# increase mental strength to not give up when running Trying hard - have managed to not stop when running this past week.
# work through things and not eat my emotions ( HUGE task) Trying hard - hard one we glip, my Gran is getting more and more unwell and she went back into hospital and a few chocs passed my lips before I managed to pull myself back together. ( when I say a few it was 3 cadbury favourite mini things, not a box).
The first week of Fatchance has gone really fast and there are lots of lessons to be learnt. I am not a master of any but I am working on it. So far I have looked really hard at my reasons for eating, emotion vs physical hunger, my portion sizes and "what" I eat. I eat to much, I eat our of boredom and food being "there" and I off to bigger plate. I have managed to get these under control most of the time but mastering these to make them the "normal" is going to take time and more practice.
I have lost weight and cms I am happy.
I exercised last week like I promised myself I would. I am pleased at the changes I am making the the goals I have set myself. I CAN do this. I really can...
We have also started looking at venues and planning the wedding, well costing the wedding, so possibly the fear of being a "fat" bride might just possibly be helping me keep motivated. :)
CW: 99.5
Loss of 1.9 kgs
Total lost 2014 - 1.9 kgs
Week 31.12/13 - 6.1.14
Exercise
# consistent 4 runs a week Done
# 3 strength sessions a week Done
# 3x1 min prone every day ! Nope
# stretch my legs and back ( increase the length in my hip flexers) Done also foam rolling my legs
Eating
# track 95%
# reduce sugar and fat content of foods Trying hard
# eat well balanced meals Trying hard
# no binging Done
# 2 -3 litres a day Most days
Mental
# work on positive self talk Trying hard
# increase mental strength to not give up when running Trying hard - have managed to not stop when running this past week.
# work through things and not eat my emotions ( HUGE task) Trying hard - hard one we glip, my Gran is getting more and more unwell and she went back into hospital and a few chocs passed my lips before I managed to pull myself back together. ( when I say a few it was 3 cadbury favourite mini things, not a box).
The first week of Fatchance has gone really fast and there are lots of lessons to be learnt. I am not a master of any but I am working on it. So far I have looked really hard at my reasons for eating, emotion vs physical hunger, my portion sizes and "what" I eat. I eat to much, I eat our of boredom and food being "there" and I off to bigger plate. I have managed to get these under control most of the time but mastering these to make them the "normal" is going to take time and more practice.
I have lost weight and cms I am happy.
I exercised last week like I promised myself I would. I am pleased at the changes I am making the the goals I have set myself. I CAN do this. I really can...
We have also started looking at venues and planning the wedding, well costing the wedding, so possibly the fear of being a "fat" bride might just possibly be helping me keep motivated. :)
Sunday, 5 January 2014
Falling into place
I have run 4 runs a week for two weeks... BUT I had to have a stern chat with myself to actually get todays run done.. AND stupidly I was happy as once out running. I really need to get over myself some days.
This week sees me run 4 times and do 3 strength sessions. I am super proud of that. I weigh in tomorrow and will tell you how I went. Yesterdays food was a little bit up and over the thresh hold but hey I am just getting to grips with that. Today I ran 5.5 kms in 40 mins stoked with that. !!
I also entered today to do this http://www.albanylakes.co.nz I am doing all three events, 5km, 5km and then 10 kms, I love the idea and have friends who are going to do it with me so that makes it even better. $89 free t-shirt and metal bottle. COOLIO so looking forward to it. I also like the motivation and it fits with my training so thats all good.
My work with the fatchance workbook is really helping me. Yesterday it was about exercise. Well that I have nailed so it was ok. Today is eating a rainbow. ALSO something I am pretty good at. But the other 5 things, are all things I struggle with. I honestly can say, my stomach has shrunk and I do not eat at meal times anywhere near as much, especially at dinner time.
LOVING it.. really am !!
This week sees me run 4 times and do 3 strength sessions. I am super proud of that. I weigh in tomorrow and will tell you how I went. Yesterdays food was a little bit up and over the thresh hold but hey I am just getting to grips with that. Today I ran 5.5 kms in 40 mins stoked with that. !!
I also entered today to do this http://www.albanylakes.co.nz I am doing all three events, 5km, 5km and then 10 kms, I love the idea and have friends who are going to do it with me so that makes it even better. $89 free t-shirt and metal bottle. COOLIO so looking forward to it. I also like the motivation and it fits with my training so thats all good.
My work with the fatchance workbook is really helping me. Yesterday it was about exercise. Well that I have nailed so it was ok. Today is eating a rainbow. ALSO something I am pretty good at. But the other 5 things, are all things I struggle with. I honestly can say, my stomach has shrunk and I do not eat at meal times anywhere near as much, especially at dinner time.
LOVING it.. really am !!
Thursday, 2 January 2014
Keeping up being consistent
I'm 4 days into this week and so far, I have done 2 x sets of strength work and 2 x runs. I am really pleased with myself. I also worked out that I can not run with the thing telling me every 5 mins that I have done this many kms etc blah blah. I ran without it today and enjoyed my run ( minus the cramp) a lot more. BUT I do have very sore / heavy thighs from my run. I will foam roll my legs soon and release some of the lactic acid in them.
I have eaten well that past two days, today I have an upset tummy, possibly mild food poisoning from the pork I ate yesterday, so trying hard to eat enough as I ran this morning and burnt 450 odd calories so I need to eating at least 1500 to make sure I eating enough net calories.
The "fat chance" workbook I am working through yesterday set me the goal to only eat when I was hungry. WOW was this a insight for me. I definitely eat often from boredom and because others are eating. NOT GOOD so yesterday I tackled that and today it was to clear our the environment, well as you all know my house/pantry is filled with "Today is also the day to clean out your fridge, freezer and pantry of all foods that you know are poor food choices. Throw out biscuits, chippies, sugared drinks, jam, sweets and do not allow them back in. That means, do not buy them again." So I have promised myself to not have these things pass my lips or to buy them and not to bring them into my home when we move in. The boy can have a container with his bits in it. NOT for me to eat and I will write that on the top of the box if I have too.
The other part of today is to reduce the size of the plate you eat on. "Today purchase, or find in your kitchen, two small plates and two small bowls. (Buy two of each so when one is in the dishwasher you will always have a clean one.) The plates should be 20cm or less in diameter. The bowls should be 15cm or less in diameter if shallow or 12cm or less in diameter if deeper, so that they contain no more than one cup when comfortably full. (Yes, I am serious.) You may have a larger bowl to use for soups only. Choose attractive ones that you really like and will enjoy using. You may also decide to use a small knife and fork and a teaspoon for everything except soup."
So I need to go and measure our plates. I have actually been eating my lunch off a small side plate recently anyway so I don't think it will bother me. As it says you can have seconds just the idea is to reduce portions in a way, visual thing.
Water intake is good, at neatly 2.5 litres so far today. Yesterday I managed nearly 4 litres over the day, also a good way to distract from the food intake as well. I feel really positive about working on my mental space it really is helping me make changes.
I am looking forward to weighing myself on monday and having a a we measure of myself. I know that doing the strength training will help me with toning and being strong.
I have eaten well that past two days, today I have an upset tummy, possibly mild food poisoning from the pork I ate yesterday, so trying hard to eat enough as I ran this morning and burnt 450 odd calories so I need to eating at least 1500 to make sure I eating enough net calories.
The "fat chance" workbook I am working through yesterday set me the goal to only eat when I was hungry. WOW was this a insight for me. I definitely eat often from boredom and because others are eating. NOT GOOD so yesterday I tackled that and today it was to clear our the environment, well as you all know my house/pantry is filled with "Today is also the day to clean out your fridge, freezer and pantry of all foods that you know are poor food choices. Throw out biscuits, chippies, sugared drinks, jam, sweets and do not allow them back in. That means, do not buy them again." So I have promised myself to not have these things pass my lips or to buy them and not to bring them into my home when we move in. The boy can have a container with his bits in it. NOT for me to eat and I will write that on the top of the box if I have too.
The other part of today is to reduce the size of the plate you eat on. "Today purchase, or find in your kitchen, two small plates and two small bowls. (Buy two of each so when one is in the dishwasher you will always have a clean one.) The plates should be 20cm or less in diameter. The bowls should be 15cm or less in diameter if shallow or 12cm or less in diameter if deeper, so that they contain no more than one cup when comfortably full. (Yes, I am serious.) You may have a larger bowl to use for soups only. Choose attractive ones that you really like and will enjoy using. You may also decide to use a small knife and fork and a teaspoon for everything except soup."
So I need to go and measure our plates. I have actually been eating my lunch off a small side plate recently anyway so I don't think it will bother me. As it says you can have seconds just the idea is to reduce portions in a way, visual thing.
Water intake is good, at neatly 2.5 litres so far today. Yesterday I managed nearly 4 litres over the day, also a good way to distract from the food intake as well. I feel really positive about working on my mental space it really is helping me make changes.
I am looking forward to weighing myself on monday and having a a we measure of myself. I know that doing the strength training will help me with toning and being strong.
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