Hmmm.. thanks Dr Libby

After reading the below

1. Address overconsumption of food: If you do overeat at times even though you know you would be better off not doing so, then getting to the bottom of why you do this could change your life. Start by asking yourself what food means to you. If your answer is emotional e.g love, fun, comfort, then you need to explore your relationship with food.

2. Check your thyroid: The thyroid gland is a little butterfly shaped gland that sits in your throat area. It makes hormones that play an enormous role in your metabolic rate as well as your temperature regulation. The thyroid gland can become over-active or under-active and it is the latter scenario that can lead to weight gain that is incredibly difficult to shift until this issue is addressed.

3. Simple Swaps: Consider whether you are using caffeine to amp yourself up and wine to wind down. Simply swap caffeine for green tea and wine for sparkling water to give your nervous system a break, which can influence fat burning and appetite. 

From http://www.drlibby.com/weight-loss/why-cant-i-lose-weight/ 

Wow good thinking points for me! I have actually changed these things 1 and 3.. no thyroid issues for me been checked by Dr... 

BUT I needed to change my behaviors especially caffeine. I am starting to feel a lot better about things and about how the world is working for me. Even though work is full on nuts mad and I feel that 99% of the time I am chasing my tail and never get caught up on things. I am looking forward to the holidays and getting a break from the work side of life. 

Making good choices

I feel really balanced and I am learning to live with my choices and not beat myself up. I am learning to let things go and stop being so mentally abusive to myself.
I am working on this and tracking no matter what happens this week are my goal.

My nutritionist.. Nicola @ eatwellnz is soo lovely friendly and kind. She is not a big bad growl at you for falling off the wagon type. She is the we are trying to make your relationship with food healthy and every normal person has a bad day or things crop up in their life and they do not have  melt down over it.

My cravings are getting less, I am enjoying finding new things to eat that are different but enjoyable.
I found Avalanche drinking chocolate last night at the supermarket but it is sugar free and I like that ! Its a nice treat and no guilt.. SOO me and I like that.

Now to get my butt moving more and I will get myself back to being fit and that helps the mental game too :)

Liking feeling not ill as well.. no chest infection no tummy issues just well .. apart form a little tired.. I feel normal!!

More photos in 10 days.. 0o0o

One day .....

Yesterday was a good day.. I managed my food well no binge eating no sugar filled anything. I made chicken vegetable and noodle soup with chili and garlic. It was devine !! I had it for dinner I felt full and warm .. aha warm maybe thats the issue I need to cook warm foods for dinner instead of salad all the time.
I had the soup again for lunch today and have placed three portions in the freezer for easy dinners..

I drank over three liters of water, with pure water and herbal and green tea. I feel better in myself but on the edge of it like this is just the beginning and it needs to become a habit.

I am going to make chickpea patties for dinner and have them with a salad I might cook some pumpkin and add them to it.. maybe. I need to think about my meals across a week and shop to those options. Wayne and I do not eat the same thing hardly ever. He is Mr processed foods man and well.. its not my style! At all.!!!

He is trying to get me to eat more red meat as I think the reason I am so tired and lethargic is due to low iron levels. But red meat does not appeal to me at all!!

Water is my new goal. 3 liters a day, I want o flush out the toxins and work hard to curbing my eating with water, as that has worked for me well in past.

I am off work today I am soo tired and dealing with a mega headache. I am trying to write reports.. its bloody hard.. I have 7 to go.. I can do it.. but maybe not all today! They are due in on Friday!

The weather is not playing ball I wouldn't mind getting out there for a walk this week.. but with this rain.. it may not be a go.

1 good day 2 bad days and I am still trying..

In my head.... all I hear is.... YOU have to do this for you... then I eat a chocolate biscuit.... GRR why... I am trying hard to DO THIS and work on why I am so drawn to food at the moment.

On the plus side.. I am trying..

Friday ended in take aways as the fiances brother turned up and thats what they had.. I had a taco salad and a medium peppermint milkshake.. ( that was the bad bit) ohh and a cider ... why because it had been on of those F*****g days and I needed to unwind a bit.. really its an excuse .. but it is what it is.

Yesterday I had toast, an apple at 12 and then I got all funny and felt sooo ill about 3pm I felt fain and sick and realised I hadn't eaten all day because I was busy cleaning and weeding and stuff. We went to bunnings, love that shop, and then went to the supermarket where I brought a hole lot of fruit and had a fruit salad for afternoon tea.

Then the boys turned up for the rugby, chips pizza garlic bread and rashun chocolate biscuits and beer.. I had no beer, only two biscuits, ( btw it was all cooked here but pre-packaged) and a small peice of pizza 6 chicken nuggets and 2 peices of garlic bread. I did have a few handfuls of chips as well.. STILL where are the veges! common Vic honestly.. I know better but I am over salad.

Today has been better.. I had breakfast and have sat down to write reports.. 9 done so far 15 to go.. kind of need to get them done they are due on Friday.

I am still full of some horrible bug. Its pissing me off I want to go for a walk.. DUMB.. and I want my bike back its at the inlaws. I am going to make Wayne go and get them I think one day this week.
Get on my bike 1 day in the weekend and walk 2-3 days a week till I get my weight down because I can not run at this weight it hurts my knees and hip..

The hard road out of hell...

I at times feel so trapped by how "big" I have become. I get angry and frustrated at myself for allowing myself to get to this state..

The last week I have comfort eaten like a crazy lady and I struggled to get back out of that. Being sick and coming to terms with the fact my grandparents may not be here much longer I have found very hard to accept.. My Nana is like my mum and I love her dearly.

My Nutrionist is helping me deal with my emotional response to binge eat and I feel like a am making baby steps, but they are baby.. I have also noticed I have no will power at times.. see food and eat it.. I honestly can not stop myself so I am working on this.

There is no real weight loss as there was weight gain BUT I am working on me.. That is what in the long run should stop a relapse back to this level of over weight-ness.

I need to find peace with myself and stop mentally abusing myself as it is not helping.

On the plus side work is super busy and it keeps me occupied in the evenings as I have reports and so many other things to do so thats good. Work is stressful but thats ok and I don't eat when I am busy.

The house is ticking along.. we plan to work a bite more outside this weekend and cleaning out the garage to try and get at least my car in there.

The fiance is amazing.. he really is.. all my issues and he still loves me for me.

PS: we are working on the getting married stuff.. celebrant visit next weekend. eeekk that makes it real... and honestly and I want to be a fit and healthy bride!