Mental state of play

Today I slept in... I needed it. The reflux is worst at night which sees me up most of the night taking medication and just trying not to throw up. Its not pleasant and at times its demoralising and plain character breaking.

Once up I went for a walk/run and I had to fight hard with "that voice" just to get out the door. Thank god I did because this afternoon the weather gave way and it got cold!!!

At times that voice in my head it tries hard to convince me to do or not do all sorts of things. I hate it... but its hard to stop it. It's nasty too its mean and cruel and at times crippling. This voice is one of the biggest challenges I have... taming this voice again and getting it back in its cage are my priority at the moment.

My food today has been really good and on track I am proud of my choices. Especially the brown rice salad I made for lunch and dinner! Was delicious !

Water has been good too.

Tomorrow I am off to the GAFE summit for work! Should be great ! Food us provided ... challenge for me but I can do it !

Hello....

Sooo ... my life has been hectic and interesting and hard and bloody unfair since I last posted.

We have moved into our house. I love it! but we had 6 weeks to get it landscaped = huge stress for us and it's nearly completed just top soil and grass to go. Then we will put gardens in as we can afford them.

My reflux has gotten so bad its destroying my teeth and I have a raw throat all the time. It effects my sleep as I can't lie down without it creeping  up my throat and into my sinuses. I also spend time trying not to vomit etc Sorry tmi

I love my job! but its full on and so busy!

I stopped running  because of my reflux, worst decision I ever made ! never again will I stop exercising completely again, I need to exercise I need to move my body needs it and most of all I need the mental realease. 

Weight wise I have gained 5kg and I am so unhappy and unhealthy its gross and just not ok. So what to do..simple what I know is right.... eat well, sleep well, exercise some what.. STOP beating myself up about the past and work on the future.

We have booked a date for the wedding finally and  I refuse to be a fat bride and hate my photos.... Also we want to have children and I need to be as healthy as I can be for that too ( in a few years but still good motivation).

one day at a time ... no mental abuse about what was and could have been.