I finally did something for me

I brought a wind trainer that I can attach to my bike so I can spin on wet days.
SOO today I went spinning.. my butt hurts but for the firs time in a long time I feel a hell of a lot better.

Moving forward... things are good..

I am pretty unhappy with what I see in the mirror, it scares the hell out of me. I really makes me so down on myself. I am so gutted with how far I have let this go, I only have one way to sort this out.. I need to exercise and be way more mindful about what I am eating .. I need to stop eating for no reason and letting my emotions get the better of me.
I can do this... I have done it before.. BUT I need to put me first.. I need to make exercise and what I need a bigger priority for myself.

I promise myself I am going to put myself first.

The reality of the situation

I have been seeing the nutrionist for 5 weeks and I haven't lost any weight ...... 

In that five weeks I have learnt to deal with stress and nail a lot of my binge eating in the head. 

But I am only just coping at the moment... My nana is in hospital, nana/mum. And it is killing me. My poor wee genadad is just coping with it all and I am left to feel usless and miles away from them. She is soo unhappy but mendically she is getting better. She is very very frail and just and no more getting better while other things are going wrong. She has lost so much weight by not eating as she has a few swill owing issues and she is losing her mental capacity which we are not to sure as to why. She is under there somewhere still my Nana... 

I am going back down there next week from Thursday night to Monday night... Adter I have been wedding dress shopping omfg... I am soo huge right now I am unsure how this will go and the effect it may have on me mentally. Let's hope I don't come out even. Ore down about my weight than I currently am. 

I am looking forward to seeing my girls in Wellington and hoping it will give me a chance to relax... Well her is hoping anyway. 

I plan to by an indoor cycle trainer this weekend so I can get moving. I am hoping that will improve my mental state and stress levels on my return from all my visiting. Since I can't get out walking ATM. 

I can do this..... I bloody well can.