Trying to keep it balanced

Yesterday was my "hens" do. we had a high tea at the Stamford Plaza and it was lovely, but I ate to much and then we went to Wendy's for dinner, I had a taco salad but its still not to best thing to be eating. We have eaten our 2 nights this week as well due to having friends here from Dunedin as well. Again I managed that well, had salad and a dessert of sorbet the first night and just a salad the next, no booze either nights. I am proud of this and normally I would have just gone over board and just pigged out.

This weeks exercise has been a little lack laster, but I am back on track over the past two days, and I am starting to love it again. I love the fact I can push myself both with the running and the weight/resistance side of things. I am enjoying it so much, and yesterday I just felt soo much better when out running, and again today I was like this isnt bad how long can I go for and then pushed for the 10 mins.. I know some people will be like yeah yeah you have been here before and fallen flat on your face how many times.. well guess what, I am trying thats all I can do and I am trying my best. Its better than eating a chocolate bar to deal with it.

The wedding is now 10 weeks 6 days away I am aiming to lose about 10 kgs by then.. or as much as I can. I do know that doing the weights etc will help with toning. But for now my face has shrunk and that makes me happy and my tummy has as well.. My arms well.. spray tan will help with that and guess what.. I am doing my best..

When you think what has happened to me in the last 12 - 18 months I am doing ok.
I changed year levels, was horrendously sick with my stomach issues and because of them ended up pilling on weight, I have lost 2 grandparents, moved into my house and changed year levels at work.. I think I am doing ok, actually I know I am. Yes I am not where I would love to be, 80 kgs and I wont make that by the wedding but that is ok. My dress made me feel like a princess when I had it one at the dress fitting and that is all I can ask for. Honestly.. weight and size does not define me and I am sick of putting myself worth in it.. Instead I will do my best.. and try my hardest and some days it will be harder than others and some days my hardest wont be enough.. but that's all I can do.

We are going to Rarotonga in late September.. I want to wear togs on public.. thats huge for me.. so even once  we are married this journey to be healthy will continue.. we are also wanting to start a family in the next 12-ish months soo I need to be healthy for that too and well, if I can get myself healthier now I can stay that way while pregnant etc too.

Mental state of play

Today I slept in... I needed it. The reflux is worst at night which sees me up most of the night taking medication and just trying not to throw up. Its not pleasant and at times its demoralising and plain character breaking.

Once up I went for a walk/run and I had to fight hard with "that voice" just to get out the door. Thank god I did because this afternoon the weather gave way and it got cold!!!

At times that voice in my head it tries hard to convince me to do or not do all sorts of things. I hate it... but its hard to stop it. It's nasty too its mean and cruel and at times crippling. This voice is one of the biggest challenges I have... taming this voice again and getting it back in its cage are my priority at the moment.

My food today has been really good and on track I am proud of my choices. Especially the brown rice salad I made for lunch and dinner! Was delicious !

Water has been good too.

Tomorrow I am off to the GAFE summit for work! Should be great ! Food us provided ... challenge for me but I can do it !