Mental state of play

Today I slept in... I needed it. The reflux is worst at night which sees me up most of the night taking medication and just trying not to throw up. Its not pleasant and at times its demoralising and plain character breaking.

Once up I went for a walk/run and I had to fight hard with "that voice" just to get out the door. Thank god I did because this afternoon the weather gave way and it got cold!!!

At times that voice in my head it tries hard to convince me to do or not do all sorts of things. I hate it... but its hard to stop it. It's nasty too its mean and cruel and at times crippling. This voice is one of the biggest challenges I have... taming this voice again and getting it back in its cage are my priority at the moment.

My food today has been really good and on track I am proud of my choices. Especially the brown rice salad I made for lunch and dinner! Was delicious !

Water has been good too.

Tomorrow I am off to the GAFE summit for work! Should be great ! Food us provided ... challenge for me but I can do it !

Hello....

Sooo ... my life has been hectic and interesting and hard and bloody unfair since I last posted.

We have moved into our house. I love it! but we had 6 weeks to get it landscaped = huge stress for us and it's nearly completed just top soil and grass to go. Then we will put gardens in as we can afford them.

My reflux has gotten so bad its destroying my teeth and I have a raw throat all the time. It effects my sleep as I can't lie down without it creeping  up my throat and into my sinuses. I also spend time trying not to vomit etc Sorry tmi

I love my job! but its full on and so busy!

I stopped running  because of my reflux, worst decision I ever made ! never again will I stop exercising completely again, I need to exercise I need to move my body needs it and most of all I need the mental realease. 

Weight wise I have gained 5kg and I am so unhappy and unhealthy its gross and just not ok. So what to do..simple what I know is right.... eat well, sleep well, exercise some what.. STOP beating myself up about the past and work on the future.

We have booked a date for the wedding finally and  I refuse to be a fat bride and hate my photos.... Also we want to have children and I need to be as healthy as I can be for that too ( in a few years but still good motivation).

one day at a time ... no mental abuse about what was and could have been.

Weigh in day

CW: 98. 
Loss of 100 grams 
Total lost 2014 - 3.4 kgs 
SW 101.4

I am not worried about the weigh in result as I know its not correct. Being female and the run yesterday will be contributing factors to it not going down much. I know I put the work in and I know there is loss there, it will show up next week.

Measurements     31/12                          27/1                  10/2              Difference
Chest                   110                            105.5                 105.5             4.5 cms 
Waist                   113                            109.5                 109.5             5.5 cms 
Hips                    117                            110.5                  109.5             8.5 cms

Measurements are trucking along happy with them as well. 

On with the day. 

House discussions will be taking place big time. 

10 kms - lots of thinking!

Today was the day I had entered to run 10 kms. 

I did it... thought I better say that first. 
It was hard, the course is very hilly and goes up and down and up up up and then down a bit. The first 5 kms and I wasn't all that happy my legs hurt, I kept telling myself get to the next hill and you can stretch and I just keep running, get to the next road and then you can stretch your legs, kept running. I ran the whole way, I ran and ran, I just kept going, not once did I stop not once did I walk. 

I planned to just run the race, get it done there were no miracles wanted here, I just wanted to finish it and run the whole way. 

I learnt something HUGE about myself. I CAN do anything I want to, I CAN run 10 kms, I CAN be successful and I am worthy of being the best person I can be. 
My own brain has a lot of to answer for, actually I do. I am the one who is so negative and horrible to myself about things. I am the reason I feel I can not achieve things. I NEED to be nicer to myself and a lot more positive about the things I want to achieve, weight loss and fitness wise.  

I finished, I also finished completing another Personal Best, YUP I bloody gave it my all it nearly had me in tears when my legs were burning and I finished in the best time ever. I was stoked!! 

My sister in law came to watch myself and two of her friends run. I crossed the finish line, I cried so did she. I year ago I was extremely sick and recovering from surgery. I then spent months trying to get myself back to normal and make myself better I gained a hole lot of weight and lost all my fitness. I then spent month dealing with reflux. So together we cried, she is proud of me but also knows the challenge I had to get back to this fitness level. 

I am again dealing with reflux and stomach burning I know whats triggered it.. stress... and I think its all connected to our bloody house. Doesn't make life easy when you are dealing with a bunk of a**holes. But ohh well. 
Tomorrow I will call them I want to have a meeting with them tomorrow night about the paint inside and out, and the time frames for getting it fixed. Also I need the front door on so the house is secure and the speakers etc we have supplied don't get stolen as they are not covered under insurance! 

I am taking things for the reflux, but its still bloody pestering me like anything I will have to delete somethings back out of my diet as they make it worse. :( grr... three weeks and this nightmare of a house build should be over. Honestly its ment to be a happy time, its far from it. 

School on the other hand is BLOODY busy but I am loving it. Lots of extra work to do but thats ok Ill get my head around it as time goes one. 

Weigh in day tomorrow.. will see you there. 

Comparisons

On Monday we started back at school and I love it. I love my big kids I really do, so far its way more exciting and amazing than I thought it would be. Feel at home with them, lets hope that feeling lasts. 

Anyway, we went to morning tea and as I walked up the stairs one of my workmates says, Vic you have lost heaps of weight in your face!. Another ones as I am making a coffee, " you are looking great!" my response both times. Oh I have only lost 3 kgs. WHAT IS WRONG WITH MY BRAIN !!!! Thank you would have been sufficient !! I have to learn to be better in these situations. And remember where I see so far to go, most people see the difference and how far I have already come.

The other thing I have to compare is my runs. Tuesday I ran a rather hill filled run only managed 6 kms in 49 mins. Was SO cross with myself and how badly I had done. Even vented to a friend who was like um... you ran hills whats the issue here. 
Today I ran 7 kms in 50mins on a flat and level course. I realise two things. 1: I need to increase my pace a fair it so interval training tomorrow during my 40 min running, will try and increase speed every third lamp-post through out the hole run. I need to do something to increase my pace a bit. as getting under 7 min kms would be a lot better for the half marathon. 

I am doing really well with my runs I really am they are a priority in my life and I know I need/have to get them done. 

A bit scared about the 10 kms on Sunday it will be the furtherest I have run in a very very long time. So I am to just finish. Because that is what I need to do. 

Other than that I am a bit up on the sugar content this week, due to being rather tired as thats my crutch, but I am trying. Hopefully when the crutch is removed I will be a lot better in my trying to not eat so much sugary foods. 

Other than that life is ok. The house is frustrating and I am going to blast the building company yet again about the paint work as the inside has a few imperfections that I am just not ok with... would you be happy with splatters of paint on you walls and kitchen ? in your brand new house ??? I am not ok with this... The outside paint job looks like someone slapped it on and never bothered to prep it! So the pain is a HUGE bone on contention ! - maybe we are picky, but umm its a new house.. should look the part! 

I will fight them on it to.. Don't care its my money.. and if I could have done it better then why the hell did we pay them !! Enough on that :) 

Work is super busy and I think I will see myself there on Saturday for atleast 4-6 hours getting my head around things. Thats ok, its life! 

February WOW..

Week 28  January - 3 February 

CW: 98.1 
Loss of 900 grams 
Total lost 2014 - 3.3 kgs 
SW 101.4

Changed from weighing at 8-9 am to 6:20 am not sure if that means there is a heap of difference but I have. 

Exercise 
# consistent 4 runs a week   Awesome
# 3 strength sessions a week ummm nope... there is just no room at this house anymore !!
# 3x1 min prone every day ! See above 
# stretch my legs and back ( increase the length in my hip flexers) Doing this every 2 -3 day need to stretch my hip flexers more often though

Eating 
# track  7/7 days nailed it.. really did, even though saturday I ate heaps I did not eat back all the calories I had burnt 
# reduce sugar and fat content of foods Working hard on this one.. still  struggle
# eat well balanced meals meals are great !! I am planning and organising myself well
# no binging yesterday None at all !!!
# 2 -3 litres a day On this its too hot not too

This week saw me run for an hour 8 kms and I was stuffed I had to walk in two places just 2 lamp posts though, so I am stoked. Good eye opener of how far I have to go. I am working on it.. Please wait to see the outcome in a few months time. I also have made a mindset change even if the.. I dont want to go for a run kicks in I am out the door before it gets to convince anyone including me otherwise. I am really loving it. 

Today see's the children back at school and HUGE change in age level for me, BUT I can not wait to spend time with these kid and get to know them. 

I have a fair few things on over the next 4-6 weeks and I am going to have to juggle my running schedule around them so I can still meet my 4 runs per week target as this is something I am not willing to let slide. 

Bring on term one.. its 11 weeks long and I have camp in there too..  and the half and 2 10 km runs 

Would like to be in the 80's by the end of the term. thats 8.2 kgs to lose minimum. 

You really are what you eat

Honestly... YOU ARE

I have cut the excess sugar intake down and I honstly feel a lot better. The scales have moved a tiny bit.. thats a good thing.


I have run 2 lots of 6 kms this week and done not one strength session I have NO WHERE to do it our room is full of boxes and things that need packing. 27 days till we should have the keys.. OMG I can not wait..

God example as to why.. thursday the boy plays cricket... I can go home and DO nothing after my run hehehe NOT that that will happen my school work load is HUGE and very ummm time consuming I refuse to say stressful as its not stressing me out as I have a list and I am working through it because thats my own way of dealing with it can only do so much.. 9 hours days at work but 3-4 hours in the evenings so far this week.. its getting done but I am sure there will be HEAPS more to do!