Focusing on myself

So in the last week I have been to a funeral, one of my school friends has passed away and my Nana has been told she has not got long to live. Now last year this would have sent me eating and binging for a good few days, instead I had one bad meal ( same day as funeral ) and I have moved on.

I went to weight watchers and weighed in I have gained 900 grams since the last time I went which I was happy with.

I am motivated! So far this week ( my weeks go Wednesday to Tuesday to match weigh in's) I have been for a 6 km walk and dug and lugged dirt around my garden for 2 hours solid, so I have earned 20 exercise points already which I am proud of as its only day three of my week.

Its nearly TTOM so the scales are all over the show but will settle next week I know they will show my hard work, and if they don't, I DON'T CARE I feel a lot better and I am mentally a lot healthier for the good food and the exercise and water.

Next week I will possibly head to dunedin, Nan does not have long they have said days to weeks, so things will go down hill and I will head down there to be support for my Grandad at that time. I WILL pack my exercise gear and walk for 60 mins each day to keep that mental balance for myself.
I also need to go into work and start working on my class and groups and things for this coming year I also need to do some planning and place things up on the walls etc. I cant lay out my classroom until after the cleaners come and that is annoying too. Wayne has said he will come and help me if I need him to at the weekends as I might end up in Dunedin right up until I need to be back at work etc.

Its hard but I am doing a lot better than I thought I would knowing what is happening and that I will basically lose my Mum in the coming weeks.

I need to go grocery shopping again today, run out of veg and fruit and Wayne has suggested I get my nails done next week after weigh in if I lose weight as a positive reinforcement, I may just do that.


PS: 4 months today until the wedding hehehe EEEEK can't wait!

Ohhh muscles hurt

Ohh ouch my muscles  hurt so I have walked 4kms today instead of the 7.75kms I have done  the past  two days. I am feeling better in myself and  my control eith sugar cravings is getting  better. I am trying really hard to not eat shit to and be balanced in my food choices but nit restrictive as I know this causes me to binge so trying hard. Water intake is good so far must keep it up.

I have been weighing myself  when I get up so the time varies which is giving me  funny weights but the general consenses is it going down so thats positive. I do know I will go up when  I weigh in at weight watchers on Wednesday but that's  ok as I go for the support and motivator instead of that bit.

Last  night I cooked a Mexican bean and mince  dish it was really unusual and an awesome change!

Today we are applying fir passports so we can book our honeymoon in  rarotonga ohh yes! I will  never wear a bikini but buying a nice swimsuit and  feeling  somewhat comfortable in it is good motivation to keep me on track. I also have split  the jobs  for the wedding up and  will make Wayne do some of it as I have done so much of it already! Trying to reduce my stress levels aswell.

Things are good, emotional eating is getting better.

Beating the mental battle

On the 2nd of January we had 2 people pass  away, one my friend from school and  my other halfs great uncle both from cancer and both diagnosed as terminal. Life at times is just so unfair but it goes on and as time goes  by we adjust and get used to the absence, never  forgotten  just absent  from the goings  on.

Today I called my Nan and  she was freezing  and  not feeling very well as she  has been having  chest pains. Sadly there is nothing  I can do for her but it still isn't very nice for her at all.

I choose not to eat my feelings and  I am trying to come to terms with the fact she may bot be here much longer.

I have walked today which I believe helps me with keeping things balanced mentally. Food is on track and  I am on my 2 nd bottle of water. I do have  control over this and my choices soo I will improve  my situation.

New year hopefully a better year

I have spent  the last 12 months going through periods of trying  to lose  weight  but nothing  has stuck really. I have counted calories ran, biked and gone  to the gym the result has been, another year  has gone  by and I am heavier than ever. There has been a few ups and downs  more than one would  ever like but that really isn't an excuse as I should learn to control my emotions and not eat etc but that is what happened. 2 deaths one very sick parent/grandparent work stress, house stress and wedding stress = me weighing in at 109.6 kgs today.

I am  not ashamed anymore  just bloody determined to sort out this wee mess.

I MUST:
*Put myself first others problems come  second
*Realise I can not fix everything
*Exercise  its good for my mind  body and  stress levels
*Stop blaming things and  people
*Treat myself better

Today I have walked tracked and  watered well so far.